A Diet Won’t Fix Your Life

Hey there slimming club banner outside the pub (let’s call it ‘Thin Planet’). I see you’ve been strategically placed to make me second guess walking in to order a curry. You’re trying to make me feel guilty, aren’t you? I should surely be ashamed, for who knows how may Very Important Numbers To Track (let’s call them Sinful Points) are in that deliciously creamy full-of-oil curry that I’m about to order.

But I no longer feel guilty. I’m not ‘out of control’ either. I’m very deliberately deciding that I fancy a curry and I’m going to order one and savour every mouthful.

So thank you, but no thank you, Thin Planet banner. I don’t need to be saved by you. I’m not a woman in trouble or struggling. Instead, I recognize your marketing for what it really is: an attempt to taunt me with the smiling face of a woman who has lost weight since joining Thin Planet and now has a whole different life.

You see dear reader, apparently when this face of Thin Planet lost 60lbs, her bills started paying themselves, house prices became affordable, and her previously sexist boss gave her a pay rise, so she matched her male colleagues at long last. Thanks to her new rocking body, her husband fancies her again and has since stopped having an affair with his co-worker and her kids are also far happier now that there’s now a lot less of mummy to cuddle.

Her life’s completely transformed, all because she now takes up less space on the planet, thanks to carefully micromanaging her fuel consumption and energy output, while wearing a slinky size 10 Bodycon dress. Isn’t that amazing? Why isn’t everyone doing this?

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